[ That response isn't unexpected. The Instructors have all been doing this for so long. If they struggled with it at all, they would know how to deal with that by now. Otherwise, they'd go mad. ]
FROM: dartagnan@cdc.org
I don't know how to do that. I don't know how to be involved in killing so many people, and not care.
[ Armada has never lied to him. And even if he had, d'Artagnan sees no reason to doubt the claim that the CDC would destroy all he loves. It is their business to destroy. This is a threat they'll keep, and if he had any doubt at all, he still wouldn't take the risk. Not when his world would pay the penalty. ]
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
D83 - 09:00
I'd like to use the Black Box. If that's all right.
no subject
You will have until the end of the day.
no subject
Then today it is. Why not tomorrow?
no subject
You can't do the Black Box right before going into a mission. That would be stupid.
no subject
It's that soon?
FROM: dartagnan@cdc.org
All right. I'm going this morning, anyway.
no subject
It is. We have been preparing.
no subject
Preparing? What can we expect?
no subject
This planet is different from Ajna. It is Class A.
[ It is ahead of schedule. ]
no subject
That makes his blood run cold, but he doesn't answer until he checks all the files again, to make sure. That classification. That means - ]
FROM: dartagnan@cdc.org
Intelligent life. That's what sentient means, isn't it? Not like the Shai.
[ Killing the Shai had made him hate himself. How much worse is it going to be, with creatures so much closer to human? ]
no subject
Yes.
[ There is no point in hiding this fact. The next planet will cull the weak. Armada has seen it before. ]
no subject
He can't afford to fail. But how can he do this? How can he live with himself, and do this? ]
FROM: dartagnan@cdc.org
Is it a secret? Where we're going.
[ And then, a few moments later. As if he can't help himself. ]
FROM: dartagnan@cdc.org
You told me once that what we do, it's cleaning up. That it's space that could be better used.
How could a planet like that need cleaning up?
no subject
No.
FROM: armada@cdc.org
I do not make the rules. I follow orders to keep my contract. For whatever reason, this planet is in their way.
no subject
What do they do when the planets are gone? What do they do with the space left behind?
no subject
I don't know.
no subject
Haven't you ever wanted to ask?
no subject
Not really.
FROM: armada@cdc.org
It's unlikely I'll be back in this corner of space.
no subject
FROM: dartagnan@cdc.org
I don't know how to do that. I don't know how to be involved in killing so many people, and not care.
no subject
When have I ever told you not to care, D'Artagnan?
FROM: armada@cdc.org
You must learn to be pragmatic with your heart. You cannot save everyone, and so you must learn to choose who you will move the stars and moons for.
FROM: armada@cdc.org
To do anything else will not only result in your death, but those you would save.
no subject
FROM: dartagnan@cdc.org
I made that choice when I came here. I won't let down the people I love. I can't.
FROM: dartagnan@cdc.org
That doesn't make it easier. I felt for the Shai even as I killed them. I don't know how to turn that off. If I did, I would.
no subject
You may feel for them, but you must not let that feeling stop you from acting.
FROM: armada@cdc.org
The day you make the choice not to act will be the end.
no subject
I know. I don't doubt you.
[ Armada has never lied to him. And even if he had, d'Artagnan sees no reason to doubt the claim that the CDC would destroy all he loves. It is their business to destroy. This is a threat they'll keep, and if he had any doubt at all, he still wouldn't take the risk. Not when his world would pay the penalty. ]
FROM: dartagnan@cdc.org
I'll act. I hate it, but I'll act. I did before.
no subject
FROM: armada@cdc.org
I cannot help you be at ease with this. You will have to find balance in yourself. But I am here for you.
FROM: armada@cdc.org
Will you be able to lead your fellow recruits?
no subject
FROM: dartagnan@cdc.org
I'll try. I don't want to let them down.
no subject
Neither do you want to let me down.
no subject
FROM: dartagnan@cdc.org
I know that.
[ There's a short delay, while he wonders whether to ask at all. He decides to risk it, because there may never be a better chance. ]
FROM: dartagnan@cdc.org
Why did you ask this of me, if you doubt that I'll be able?
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)